In Nigeria, “I am coming” is not a statement. It is not a promise. It is not even a plan.
It is a feeling.
A flexible emotional placeholder used to preserve peace, exit conversations gracefully, and escape responsibility without creating immediate conflict.
Because when a Nigerian says “I am coming,” you must understand what is actually being communicated:
“I have heard you. I acknowledge your urgency. I respect your concern. However, I am not ready to do this thing right now but I also do not want to say that directly.”
So instead, we choose diplomacy.
We choose:
“I am coming.”
Now let’s be clear. In most parts of the world, this phrase is simple. It means movement is actively happening. The person is in transit. GPS is updating. Arrival is imminent.
In Nigeria, “I am coming” operates on an entirely different timeline system, one that scientists have not yet successfully mapped.
Let’s break it down.
Level 1: The Honest “I am coming”
This is the rare version.
The person is literally walking. Maybe even stepping into shoes while speaking.
“Where are you?”
“I am coming.”
In 2–5 minutes, they arrive.
This version is endangered.
Level 2: The Transitional “I am coming”
This is the most common type.
The person has not left yet, but emotionally, they have begun the journey.
They are still:
- Searching for keys
- Finishing food
- Watching one more video
- Talking to someone else
But they have entered the intention phase of movement.
“I am coming.”
This could mean 10 minutes.
It could mean 45.
It could also mean “please don’t ask me again for now.”
Level 3: The Negotiation “I am coming”
This version is used in situations involving pressure.
Someone is calling repeatedly.
Messages are coming in:
“Where are you???”
“We are waiting for you!”
“You said 30 minutes ago!”
Now panic enters the system.
The response is immediate:
“I am coming.”
At this point, no movement has started. But emotional damage control has.
This version is about buying time, not covering distance.
Level 4: The Strategic “I am coming”
This one is an art form.
The person has no intention of coming soon, but also does not want to say “I cannot come.”
So “I am coming” becomes a shield.
It protects:
- Relationships
- Reputation
- Peace of mind
- Social expectations
It is repeated multiple times to maintain continuity:
“I am coming.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Just close.”
“I’m almost there.”
None of these statements are required to be physically accurate.
They are emotionally consistent.
Level 5: The Eternal “I am coming”
This is where science gives up.
The person may be:
- Sleeping
- Eating
- At another location entirely
- Or just not coming at all
But the phrase still exists in circulation.
“I am coming.”
It is not tied to geography anymore. It is tied to intention memory. A loop that keeps the relationship alive without actual movement.
You will hear it again in 20 minutes.
And again in 1 hour.
And again tomorrow.
Same phrase. Different universe.
The Social Function of “I am coming”
To outsiders, this might look like dishonesty.
But inside the culture, it performs several critical functions:
It prevents confrontation.
It softens refusal.
It maintains respect.
It preserves dignity for both sides.
Because saying “no” directly can feel too final. Too sharp. Too disruptive.
“I am coming” gives everyone hope. Even when there is no movement behind it.
The Emotional Impact on the Receiver
If you are on the receiving end, you enter a psychological journey of your own.
At first:
“Okay, they are coming.”
10 minutes later:
“Maybe traffic.”
30 minutes later:
“Let me call again…”
Then:
“They are still coming?”
Then finally:
“You know what… I will just wait.”
And waiting becomes an activity.
A lifestyle.
A full personality trait.
The Dangerous Phase: Believing It Too Much
Every Nigerian has been here.
You start believing “I am coming” at face value.
You prepare. You wait. You cancel other plans.
You arrange your day around someone who is still “coming.”
This is how people lose entire afternoons.
The Legendary Variations
Over time, “I am coming” has evolved:
- “I’m coming, just hold on”
- “I’m coming small”
- “I’m literally coming now now”
- “I’m outside” (which may still mean inside the house)
- “I’m just around the corner” (corner unknown)
Each version is designed to increase urgency while maintaining flexibility.
The Truth No One Says Out Loud
“I am coming” is not about distance.
It is about intent negotiation.
It allows people to remain socially present without physically committing.
It keeps relationships smooth in a world where immediate honesty might be too harsh for daily life.
And that is why, in Nigeria, when someone says:
“I am coming,”
you do not check your clock.
You read the tone.
You read the history.
And most importantly…
You adjust your expectations accordingly.